You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
