I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
