I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
