You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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