The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
