dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
