It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
