Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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