I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
