apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
