If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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