You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
