Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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