Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
