and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
