This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Boobs speak an international language.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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