i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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