There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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