this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
