When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
We need to rekindle our bromance
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
