This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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