Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
