I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
