His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
