they need to just BURY HIM!
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
