i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
