Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
