i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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