I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
