Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
