if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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