My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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