I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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