I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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