Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
