I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
