I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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