Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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