we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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