is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just invented taco cereal.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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