Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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