On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
