sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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