1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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