Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
