So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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