look no pants
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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