Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
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