After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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