i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
