Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
